Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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