I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
