he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
