I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
