you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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