Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
