cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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