best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
