I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
