What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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