She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
