There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
