Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
