It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize