I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
