I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
