I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
