And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
