Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
