I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
