I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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