I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
