Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
