I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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