Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
