I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
