They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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