i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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