In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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