Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
