she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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