I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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