conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
