On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
