Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Randomize
