Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
