just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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