Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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