I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
