I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
