i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
