You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
