you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize