Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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