Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
