I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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