So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
