my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
