for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
