My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
