she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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