a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
