I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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