I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
