I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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