I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
