So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
