I swear she didn't look like that last week.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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