So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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