A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you win again, gameday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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