I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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