Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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