even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
