wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
