just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
