it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
