there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize