This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
