I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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