im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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