i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
