and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
