Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
