Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
