His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
