O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
