Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are my feet made of real feet?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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