Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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