nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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