STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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