After last night, I could never be a politician.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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