thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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