it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
