Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
