someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
