Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize