I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
