so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
